i remember when my first son was born and how life changing it was for me to see myself in a place of guarding and caring for someone besides myself. i never felt scared or incapable but, the responsibility was one i took very seriously and intentionally. i wanted to be the best mom ever to my new baby. i wanted to feed him as much as he would eat so he would get big quickly. he was such a little guy when he was born, 6 lb 8 1/2 oz. i wanted to dress him cute everyday. i wanted to cuddle and snuggle with him all the time so that he would know how loved he was. i did not want him to cry long. i would tend to his cries immediately so that he would know that when he needed something, his mommy would be there to take care of him. i wanted him to feel secure and loved. i usually had him nap in his carseat so i could take him with me throughout the house as i moved around to keep it as well. i wanted to be able to see him at all times, always being aware that he was still warm and breathing. but from the very first day that we brought him home from the hospital, i realized that there would be times when i could not be there to keep my eye on him. i had to sleep myself sometimes. we all need to rest. it is absolutely necessary if we want to be able to enjoy life. i can remember very vividly laying him down in his cradle that was next to my bed as i was going to go to sleep myself, knowing that while i was going to be sleeping, i would no longer be able to see him, cause my eyes would be closed, or aware of his breathing. i lifted my heart to God and said, "God i have to sleep, but you don't. So, God while i sleep i am placing my baby in his cradle but in my heart and mind i am placing him in your arms for you to care for. i am entrusting him to Your protection. I am confident that You are well able to care for him even better than me. thank you for taking care of me by letting me sleep and holding my baby in your arms while i do. i can sleep peacefully now." and, i laid down to go to sleep.
the acknowledgement of knowing that i was human, fallible and incapable of always being there for my son all the time made me to continue to call on God in those times that my humanness stopped me short of physically watching and protecting him. when i would leave him with others to care for, when he went to preschool, and eventually when he went to regular school when he was in fifth grade, i homeschooled up until then, and now as he goes off to be with friends and goes to high school i still turn my heart to God and say, "God, i can't be with him but you can. my eyes are finite in what they can see and my arms are short of reaching him as he goes away from me today. but, your eyes are able to follow him and your arms are capable of keeping and protecting him. keep him in the palm of your hand and in your covering. I am confident that You are well able to care for him better than me. thank you for taking care of me by letting my heart and mind rest and holding my baby in your arms while he is away from me. i can rest peacefully now." and i laid my heart and mind to rest.
i have done the same thing with all of my children. but my first born was just the most memorable as far as being the first time i spoke those words to God concerning my baby that was in my care. as each one of my children grow and become more independent of me, i become more dependent upon God. but, it is a wonderful place to be. the place of action in caring, teaching, and training my kids lessens and the place of rest increases because of knowing that the Truth that i committed and entrusted them to will keep them and protect them from the devouring evil that is in this world and also continue to build them up and set them in their rightful place of recognizing their own dependence upon God themselves (Acts 20:32).
it seems like an impossible thing to take place in the heart of a mom who loves her children more than her own life, for her to be able to send her children into the world and not fear or worry for their protection. but, it is the result of receiving the grace of God to trust Him with her most prized possessions as she recognizes her inablilities and His all powerful abilities. i have to admit i have found myself tempted to worry and at times already worrying for my children. but, the Spirit of God, in his loving ways would remind me to turn my heart to Him. then, i would say my prayer to Him and recognize my weaknesses and depend upon His strength of power to take care of my concern knowing he would take care of them again(II Corinthians 12:9). then, once again, i would thank Him for taking care of me and allowing me to rest because it is absolutely necessary if i want to be able to enjoy life.
4 days ago