sometimes i feel as if i never get it right. there are times when i have wonderful conversations with my kids and my husband. you know, the heart to heart kind. the conversation starts out well. they are responding! they are actually talking to me! they're even allowing themselves to get vulnerable and share some of their heart! It is very enjoyable as a mother and a wife. then, somewhere along the way i say something stupid. stupid to them anyway. and, the conversation begins to go downhill. they get defensive and lash out or just clam up. and that ends the sweet intimacy that we were sharing together. i have thought to myself many times when this has happened, "if i just would have left it there and not kept going with that issue, it would have been such a nice memory together. but, no! i just kept it going, thinking that somehow i could add some more of my great insight to the topic. i pushed this good thing too far." too much of a good thing, i guess, is not so good after all.
i just wonder though, where does it all go wrong? it is not ususally me that ends up upset so it must be me that is stepping over the boundary line, or pushing just the wrong button to take the conversation in the wrong direction. i wish there were road signs to follow so i would know when to yield, when to stop, when to turn around because i am going the wrong way, or how to know this road is a dead end. when i think about it and i am really honest. i think i do see those signs. i must just ignore them thinking, "that can't be right. i will really get my point across if i just say this one more thing." or, "i don't care. i want them to know how i feel about this." i guess i do feel the unction of the Spirit of God within me right before it all goes awry. He is my road sign. and the same thing happens in my situations as would happen if i ignored the signs on the road when i drive my car, a big crash and many times with people really hurt. i always trust those signs on the highway. i believe they know more than me about what is up ahead. i have never once thought of just ignoring a dead end sign and just kept going trying to make a road where there isn't one, which is what i do when i ignore the Holy Spirit in me and depend upon my own wisdom and understanding about what is up ahead in my conversations. help me Lord to get to the destination you have prepared for me in my intimate conversations with my children and my husband. help me see the road signs and trust them to take me where you want me to go. i know i can get there if i follow Your leading and not depend on myself to know more than You.
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