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Thursday, April 16, 2009

following the road signs

sometimes i feel as if i never get it right. there are times when i have wonderful conversations with my kids and my husband. you know, the heart to heart kind. the conversation starts out well. they are responding! they are actually talking to me! they're even allowing themselves to get vulnerable and share some of their heart! It is very enjoyable as a mother and a wife. then, somewhere along the way i say something stupid. stupid to them anyway. and, the conversation begins to go downhill. they get defensive and lash out or just clam up. and that ends the sweet intimacy that we were sharing together. i have thought to myself many times when this has happened, "if i just would have left it there and not kept going with that issue, it would have been such a nice memory together. but, no! i just kept it going, thinking that somehow i could add some more of my great insight to the topic. i pushed this good thing too far." too much of a good thing, i guess, is not so good after all.

i just wonder though, where does it all go wrong? it is not ususally me that ends up upset so it must be me that is stepping over the boundary line, or pushing just the wrong button to take the conversation in the wrong direction. i wish there were road signs to follow so i would know when to yield, when to stop, when to turn around because i am going the wrong way, or how to know this road is a dead end. when i think about it and i am really honest. i think i do see those signs. i must just ignore them thinking, "that can't be right. i will really get my point across if i just say this one more thing." or, "i don't care. i want them to know how i feel about this." i guess i do feel the unction of the Spirit of God within me right before it all goes awry. He is my road sign. and the same thing happens in my situations as would happen if i ignored the signs on the road when i drive my car, a big crash and many times with people really hurt. i always trust those signs on the highway. i believe they know more than me about what is up ahead. i have never once thought of just ignoring a dead end sign and just kept going trying to make a road where there isn't one, which is what i do when i ignore the Holy Spirit in me and depend upon my own wisdom and understanding about what is up ahead in my conversations. help me Lord to get to the destination you have prepared for me in my intimate conversations with my children and my husband. help me see the road signs and trust them to take me where you want me to go. i know i can get there if i follow Your leading and not depend on myself to know more than You.


4 comments:

Connie Witter said...

Hi Christy, I loved reading your blog today. We need Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit so much when it comes to being a wife and mother.
I, too, have missed the signs of the Holy Spirit, but I have to admit when I do it's because I have let fear into my heart, listened to a lie fo the enemy, and tried to take over the job of the Holy Spirit in my husband's or children's lives.
The beautiful thing is our Heavenly Father always redeems our mistakes and always let's us take a u turn when we've made a wrong turn.
Reading your blog reminded me of a time I was talking to my sweet son about the music he was listening to. oh how I want my children to fill their heart and soul with Jesus, but he was finding the music the world offers more interesting.
Instead of trusting Jesus, and letting Him speak His truth through me, I ended up saying, "If your heart was really toward Jesus, you'd want to fill your heart with music about him." Oh, how condemning and religious that sounds. Making our children feel bad is not how the Holy Spirit leads and will never accomplish in them what we truly desire. The Holy Spirit always brings life and leads us to remind our children of who they truly are in Jesus.
It was fear that motivated me to say that, maybe by saying it, it would cause him to decide to listen to christian music, but all it did was make him feel like his heart wasn't good, how sad :(.
I had definately missed the road sign that said, "Yield your thoughts & opinions to mine."
I left our conversation thinkng, "well, my opinion is right and his is wrong." Then I heard the still small voice of my Savior say, "Connie, that is not what I say about your son." "I have given him a new heart with new and right desires. I have put my spirit within him, and I am working in Him to follow me with all His heart and mind. (Ezekiel 36:26,27) Will you trust me with his heart?
It stopped me right in my tracks. I turned around at the u turn and went back in the room to tell my son that what I said about him was wrong, and I was sorry. I said, "You have a good heart, a heart that loves Jesus. He gave you a new heart with new and right desires, and you are wonderful."
He said, "Thank you, Mom, what made you say that." I told him that when I left the room Jesus told me that what I had just said about you was wrong. Jesus told me to tell you that you are just like Him and He has given you a good heart, a heart that loves and worships him.
He smiled at me and said, "thank you, Mom."
What life the Holy Spirit can bring to our children and our husband's when we yield ourselves to Him. Jesus had redeemed my mistake once again.
I have learned that no matter if I say something wrong out of fear or frustration that if I will humbly look back to Jesus, He will bring His peace and truth into the situation.
I can trust Him with my own heart and with my children's heart. He truly is the Prince of Peace!
Thank you, for sharing your heart and reminding me to look to Jesus everytime I have a conversation with my family. I want to bring life to those I love. I want Jesus to live through me!

Anonymous said...

After reading Connies comment, there is nothing I could say better. I too am learning to listen to these signs, and have had to make many "u-turns" God s grace is so beautiful because He never stops teaching us. Don't allow yourself to feel condemned, you hear the voice of the Lord and you have a heart to follow. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that others (whom I admire:)go through the same lessons as I, I am not alone!

Anonymous said...

The last comment and this one is by Daveda. For some reason I am having trouble commenting as me ???

Kim said...

thank all of you....I know that at some point my will wants to take over quite frequently...I have really been praying for better clarity on this and a way to just be still and wait for Him to lead the conversation....wow, so hard....thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in these matters...thank you again Christy, Connie and Daveda!