how is it that one day it seems like my children were babies and the next day they are teenagers? it feels as if tomorrow they will be getting married and the next day having children of their own. it all seems to go so fast. sometimes, it feels as if i am just watching a movie and my life is being lived right before my eyes, except that everything is going in exponetial speed. the daily tasks of every day life can make it seem like there is not enough time in the day. always wishing for just a couple more hours. always wishing that life would just be a little different than what it is right now. when i find myself in this state, i realize that i am just existing. i am not really living. the days are just moving along and i am robotically moving with them to get accomplished what needs to be done. it is a place of defeat! it is a place of missing the small blessings around me. it is a place that feels like i am drowning in all the garbage but unable to enjoy the meal. this is not the life that i know my Jesus came to bring me. He came so that i might truly live.(John 5:40)
live! what does it mean to live? not just exist! but live? to enjoy every single aspect of the existence that God has given me to experience! Paul tells us in Phillipians 1:21, "to live is Christ." he speaks of experiencing the Life of God in us, the life of the God who created every detail of what we see in this world and time itself, the life of a God who is compelled by His great love for us that He went to such detail to make everything beautiful and necessary for us to enjoy our time here on this earth, the God who created the idea of families. He, Love, had a dream! He wanted a family! We are His family. He desires to live in and among us and bestow upon us all that we need to live fully.
so, as i find myself in this state of existence and not truly living, i know that i am attempting to live outside of the Life that Jesus has given me, doing my tasks in my own strength, watching my children speed past me each day without living my life intertwined in theirs. and, i take my concern to Him and say, "God, i have messed up again. i stepped outside of the Life you have given me to live and tried living on my own. and, all it has gotten me is sad and overwhelmed without the joy that you came to give me. Your mercy and loving-kindness endures forever. You said that you would perfect that which concerns me!(Psalm 138:8) i am concerned here! i know that you will not forsake the work of Your own hands, "me!" revive me from my attempt at living so that i can experience your Life and truly live, enjoying all that there is to enjoy as You do."
4 days ago