graduation

Rachel and Me




Rachel and her brothers




Rachel and her Daddy











































Rachel and her friends










tonight, rachel walked across the stage and received a diploma that states that she has completed 8th grade. i was very proud of her because she was very proud of herself. she had finished a portion of her life that took time and dedication for her to accomplish. this has been Rachel's week. she turned 14 and graduated 8th grade all in the same week. tonight was very sentimental for me. i remember her being so little and now she seems to have grown up to be such a sweet and intelligent young lady. it was such a joy for me to watch her enjoy her evening so much. laughing with her friends and experiencing sentimental feelings herself, she seemed to be having the time of her life. i loved watching it all. it makes me so happy to see her happy.

graduation is about accepting an award for completing something that took sacrifice to accomplish. this time of year, graduations are going on all over the world. as i watched rachel accept the certificate of her accomplishment, i was reminded of my own times of accomplishment in graduations myself. and, i smiled as i remembered how it felt to receive the awarded certificate. there are so many things that we can receive graduation awards for here in our country, kindergarden, middle school, junior high school, high school, trade schools, training centers, community colleges, Bible colleges, and four year colleges. masters degrees and doctorate degrees in upper levels of education also have graduation ceremonies. but the most important graduation ceremony we will ever attend is our graduation from earth to Heaven. the only difference is that we will be receiving our award for doing nothing but accepting the sacrifice of Jesus and then we will lay that award at His feet in honor of His great work on our behalf. what a great graduation day that will be!

what does it mean "to live"?

how is it that one day it seems like my children were babies and the next day they are teenagers? it feels as if tomorrow they will be getting married and the next day having children of their own. it all seems to go so fast. sometimes, it feels as if i am just watching a movie and my life is being lived right before my eyes, except that everything is going in exponetial speed. the daily tasks of every day life can make it seem like there is not enough time in the day. always wishing for just a couple more hours. always wishing that life would just be a little different than what it is right now. when i find myself in this state, i realize that i am just existing. i am not really living. the days are just moving along and i am robotically moving with them to get accomplished what needs to be done. it is a place of defeat! it is a place of missing the small blessings around me. it is a place that feels like i am drowning in all the garbage but unable to enjoy the meal. this is not the life that i know my Jesus came to bring me. He came so that i might truly live.(John 5:40)

live! what does it mean to live? not just exist! but live? to enjoy every single aspect of the existence that God has given me to experience! Paul tells us in Phillipians 1:21, "to live is Christ." he speaks of experiencing the Life of God in us, the life of the God who created every detail of what we see in this world and time itself, the life of a God who is compelled by His great love for us that He went to such detail to make everything beautiful and necessary for us to enjoy our time here on this earth, the God who created the idea of families. He, Love, had a dream! He wanted a family! We are His family. He desires to live in and among us and bestow upon us all that we need to live fully.

so, as i find myself in this state of existence and not truly living, i know that i am attempting to live outside of the Life that Jesus has given me, doing my tasks in my own strength, watching my children speed past me each day without living my life intertwined in theirs. and, i take my concern to Him and say, "God, i have messed up again. i stepped outside of the Life you have given me to live and tried living on my own. and, all it has gotten me is sad and overwhelmed without the joy that you came to give me. Your mercy and loving-kindness endures forever. You said that you would perfect that which concerns me!(Psalm 138:8) i am concerned here! i know that you will not forsake the work of Your own hands, "me!" revive me from my attempt at living so that i can experience your Life and truly live, enjoying all that there is to enjoy as You do."

queen of alll things award

Thank you Shanda!

shanda from, a teachable heart, is one of my newest blogging friends. Her blog is amazing. She continuously shares the heart of God in Scripture and leads all of us who love visiting her site to a deeper understanding of the goodness of God. please stop by and check out her blog. you will definitely not be disappointed. i think you will like her alot. i know i do.

Here are the award rules:

List 7 things that make you Awe-Summm and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers you love.

Make sure to tag the recipients and let them know they have won! Also link back to the Queen that tagged you.

here goes:

1. i am the wife of a wonderful man that God has given to me to be my soul mate. i
guess that makes him awesome too. he most definitely is!

2. i am the mom to five wonderful children who i love with all of my heart and would
sacrifice everything for. i guess that makes them awesome too. they most
definitely are!

3. i love Jesus with all of my heart and long for Him to reveal Himself to me
everday. i guess that makes Him awesome too! He most definitely is! With Jesus
as the center of our lives, we are an awesome family!

4. i have been transformed by the love, mercy and grace of God! Everyday, i learn
of Him and it changes me into His likeness. i am so thankful!

5. God allows me to minister His Word as i depend upon Him to speak through me. i
love getting revelation as i yield my mouth as an instrument for Him to speak
through. He teaches me so much as i do.

6. i pretty much accept people just as they are because God has accepted me as i am.
it is wonderful to be able to see right past the garbage in other people's lives
and see the potential within. only God could have done that in me.

7. i love to laugh!

Ok! Now it is my turn to pass this award along. I am so excited about this. Please accept this award and tell us why you are so awesome too! Then pass it on to learn of and display the awesomeness of some of your other fellow blogging friends.

sarah dawn at splashin' glory
martha at fly away birdie
rosel at off the beaten trek
julie at jewelz sightings
cynthia at girl in a glass house
mimi at he & me + 3
nan at momstheword

every single one of these ladies are fabulous and they have touched me so many times with their writings in their blogs and with their comments to mine. i have been so blessed to have met each and every one of them. Please stop over and meet them. they are so wonderful!

rachel's birthday

Happy Birthday Rachel





today was my oldest daughter's 14th birthday. i cannot believe that she is 14 already. it seems like just yesterday that she was born. i remember tears filling my eyes when the doctor told us she was a girl. my baby girl! she was absolutely beautiful. 7 lbs exactly and 19 inches long. we already had a wonderful baby boy and now we had a baby girl. how perfect could that be.

everyday since then i have had the privilege of being her mommy. she has brought so much joy into our family. as a toddler, she would dance and dance all over the place. so happy all the time. it wasn't long after she was born that her baby sister came along and she loved her so much. she was always so protective over her. it just made my heart melt each time she came running thinking that Olivia might get hurt if i did not come fast to rescue her. most of the time it was nothing and she was fine, but she watched over her like a hawk.

even today, rachel still has that mothering instinct. she has the biggest heart and never wants the people that she loves to do the wrong thing or get hurt. she is always trying to give her deep wisdom to anyone who will listen. sometimes, i am just amazed at how deeply spiritual that she is. she hears the voice of God and is lead by His Spirit. of course, she has not always listened. who does? but as i have watched her grow up, i have seen God do great things in her and i am sure it is only the beginning of where He is going to take her in this world. i could not be a prouder mom. she has recently begun her own blog called just the average teenager. she writes what is on her heart and lets God show her how good He is. many times i think that the wisdom that comes from her could not possibly be coming from a 14 year old girl. she amazes me and i love her so much.

Happy Birthday Rachel! You will always be my baby girl!

blogger appreciation week

Welcome to "Blogger Appreciation Week" we are so glad that you are able to join us in this time of sharing and encouraging one another in the blogging world! Blogging opens up a whole new world of opportunity for fellowship and encouragement with people from all over the world...incredible!

My sweet friend Daveda from Grace Talk With Daveda is hosting "Blogger Appreciation Week" May 25th-June 1st. I sincerely hope you will join us, its going to be GREAT! If you would like to participate in this special blogger event anytime from May 25th-June 1st, put up a post titled Blogger Appreciation Week on your blog and in it share with the rest of us information about why you blog, why you like to write, how reading the blogs of others has touched your heart, what God has done in your life through blogging, tell us about some of the special people you have met...etc. Then, add the URL from that post to Mister Linky @ Grace Talk With Daveda, invite your friends, surf the blogging world and be a blessing to others. Make sure you leave COMMENTS of ENCOURAGMENT to all whom you visit, tell others how their blogs have touched you and what you liked about their writing, their life...etc (leave them all under comments for this post, even if it is about another post to be sure that they see it)!If you like what you read become a follower and make a new friend! We all love new friends! Don't forget to check back often through out the week to visit and encourage those who join later.

this is my story

i am just an ordinary mom. i have five children ranging from 1 to 15. i love Jesus with all of my heart. i lean on Him to empower me in all that i do. a few months ago, i was invited to drop into the blogging world to read some of my friends blogs. needless to say, i was hooked pretty much immediately. i loved reading about other people's lives and how God was revealing Himself to them. in fact, i was very touched and inspired by the hearts of the bloggers that i first started reading. for awhile, i was just a lurker. i secretly snuck in and out of people's lives through their writing. but, all along the way, i felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit on my heart to jump in and take the plunge. He was leading me to be real and be honest, to let others see how He moves in my heart and in my life. it might just be possible for someone to be touched and inspired by what God was doing in me too. just be me. i could do that.

the next obstacle for me was figuring out how to make this happen. so, i began by just writing what i felt that God had told me, about just being me. whatever was going on in my day or in my heart and however God was leading me to handle it was what i would write about. i thought that i would just see how it goes. i had no idea that i would begin to be introduced to so many wonderful people who inspire me in so many ways.

there are a few people that i have to name here because they have made such a blogging impact on my life. i hope that you will take some time to stop by their blog and let them touch you the way that they have touched me.

my sweet friend steph brown writes a blog entitled "little mommy of two." she is my original inspiration. her blog is simple. she lists five different things in each of her posts about what she is thankful for in her life. it is inspiring to see the simple things that bless her heart and life. you see her sweet spirit and her heart for her family and her God in every post. i have been moved to tears several times reading her blog.

of course, i have to mention daveda. her blog shows so much of her relationship with God and what He is revealing to her everyday. she always leads us to Jesus in every post. i have watched her grow in revelation and truth. i am so excited about what God has in store for her.

i also want to share my pastor's blog at "things i think i know." he writes about what God is showing him in his daily life and things that he shares in his messages. i am just amazed every time he preaches at what revelation God is revealing to him. his writing speaks of the same. it will bless you so much if you stop by to read what he writes.

i recently nominated jennifer at "getting down with Jesus" for the "golden heart award" but, i have to mention her here today too. her writing is so captivating. i have been drawn into the parts of her life that she shares and have been introduced to Jesus' love in even deeper ways. her writing is breath taking.

another blogger that i would like to mention is billy coffey at "what i learned today." don't be surprised if you see his name on the next best seller. his writing is so real. he looks for what God is trying to teach him in every day. some times, his learning experience is so simple because his schooling takes place in his daily life with everday people that he encounters. yet, the lessons he learns are so powerful. he will captivate you with his stories. i even have my husband reading his posts now.

finally, i would like to mention by sweet friend Sarah at "God's not finished with us yet." she was the very first person to welcome me into the blogging world with a sweet blogging award. her posts exemplify God in her everyday life and her heart is to reach the lost with the love of Jesus.

there are so many more i would love to mention. i have a list of blogs that i follow regularly in my blogroll. they are all wonderful or i would not waste my time reading their posts and getting to know about their lives.

God's heart is for His children to walk in love and unity. it is our hope that through Blogger Appreciation Week we will all be encouraged and drawn closer to the heart of God as we take time to share in the lives of others. "Father we ask in Jesus name that no person would leave this event not feeling loved and blessed by you. we pray that every heart would be softened and touched by your beautiful love and grace as we read through each others lives."

a stirring towards community

naturally, i am a very content person. i enjoy the daily things that i do. i do not get the itch to always be doing something new. i do not change the decor in my home very often. i decorate it the way i like it and i like it for a very long time. it is easy for me to stay home and just do nothing. i enjoy having friends over. we do that a lot. but, i want to be able to do that with people who just like being with me and my family, for us. i do not want to have to impress them in any way. when i go some place new, i do not feel the need for someone to have to make a mad dash over to me to make me feel comfortable. i feel comfortable if someone talks to me and i feel comfortable if they don't. i say all that to say it would normally be ok with me to stay home with just my family and not venture out to involve myself in much else. but, i'm feeling like there is a new thing that God is doing inside of me and i am very excited. i can not really explain it, but it feels like a stirring towards community, being a part of something that is bigger than just me or me and my family by ourselves.

you would think that the place to step out in this urging within me would be my local church. i am very involved there. i help to administrate the children's department and i teach a weekly Bible study. sometimes i will speak on Sunday mornings if our pastor needs a break or will be out of town. so, there is definitely involvement there. but whatever this is going on inside of me is different. honestly, i can not put my finger on it. i have never liked busying myself in things for the sake of being busy. big programs that are purposed for saying, "look at what great thing we just did for God" never interested me. and they still don't. i feel like God is wanting to do more relationship building in me that moves me toward accomplishing a oneness with others that shows the great thing that God has done and is doing in His people by magnifying His love in us and toward one another. i don't know what is going to come of this but i can say that i am very excited. i am sure i have more understanding coming of what He is doing in me. as it is revealed to me, i will share it here.

wanna know a secret?

"i know something you don't know."

"wanna know a secret?"

"its a really good one."

"if i tell you, you can't tell anyone."

"you have to promise you won't tell."

"promise?"

i heard this so much when i was a little girl. we all loved telling secrets and thinking that we knew something that no one else knew about. of course, we always told everyone what we found out so eventually it wasn't a secret anymore. funny thing about secrets is that they always come out eventually. some quicker than others.

a secret has the idea of something hidden that is going to be revealed, like a piece to a mystery or the missing part of a treasure map. there is anticipation and suspense involved. a secret is intriquing and appetizing. if you know that someone knows something that you do not know and others are hearing about it, you can almost sense your salivary glands overacting with the longing to find out what it is.

when i think about that, i recognize that paul gives us the greatest witnessing tool in Colossians 2:2,3. he tells us that Jesus is a "mystic secret of God." and that in Him, all the treasures of divine wisdom, knowledge and enlightenment are stored up and lie hidden. his prayer was for us to come to have all the abounding wealth and blessing of assured conviction of understanding, and that we may become progresively more intimately acquainted with and know more definitely and accurately the fullness of that Secret. He is saying to us, "i know something you don't know. wanna know a secret? its a really good One. it will change your life! i want you to know every juicy, little piece of it." he is just whetting our appetite and making us want to know more.

wow! what a great tool we can use when we recognize that we know something that the world does not know. we have the secret, not the other way around. if we actually thought that was true, we would live our lives whetting the appetite of the world by tantalizing them with the awesomeness of Who we know and what He can bring to their life when they get to hear of Him. but, we have to believe that we have the Secret. we have something or Someone that they don't and that they are missing out. there is nothing that they have to offer us. they know nothing that we don't know the Secret about. and, the Secret we know is so juicy and good, everyone is going to want to know Him.

our thoughts should be,

"i know something you don't know."

"wanna know a secret?"

"its a really good one! it just might change your life!"

"if i tell you, you will want to tell everyone."

"you have to promise to tell."

"promise?"

a lawyer, a realtor, and the president of the bank

as my husband and i sat on our front porch at lunch and discussed the activities of our day, we watched our baby play. it was so delightful to see him enjoying the beautiful weather on such a lovely day. there was a lot that was going to happen in this day so we turned our thoughts back to what we both had to accomplish. our oldest son had a baseball game right after school and he was pitching. so, i wanted to make sure that i was able to go to that. usually aaron makes sure he gets off work early enough to make it to Josiah's games too. but today, the game was too far away for him to be able to get there and make it to an after-work business-client evening at the local minor league baseball game that he needed to attend. an air-conditioned suite with all you can eat food and drinks and a great view of the ballpark sounded more like fun than business to me, which was kind of the point of the meeting.

he had told me about this meeting a few days prior and asked me if i wanted to go because the other men who were going to be there were bringing their wives. i thought, "sure, i'd love to. i love baseball and i love being with my husband and i would like to be with him in an environment where he is around people that he does business with on a regular basis. i would like to meet them and see what they are like. i'd love to go be by your side." so, i told him i would like to go. he seemed pleased at the time and told his boss, who was paying for the evening, that we would both be able to come.

but, yesterday, as we were discussing how we were going to be able to make both of these things happen in the same day, he looked at me and said, "i don't think you are going to be able to go to Josiah's game and still make it to my meeting."

"why not?"

"because we need to dress somewhat nice."

"what does that have to do with anything?"

"well, if you go to Josiah's game and it is windy?"

i smiled. i understood where he was going. he did not want me showing up at his meeting like i just got out of a dirty windstorm when everyone else was going to be looking like they just came from a business day. he wanted me to look nice too.

but, i did not want to miss josiah's game. it was the last game of the year that he was going to be pitching and i wanted to be there. i know he really likes it when we are there. i knew that i could make both things happen and i was determined to do so.

after lunch, he left to go back to work. i told him i would see how the rest of my day goes and i would decide if i would try to make it to josiah's game or not. he was hoping that i would just not go. i had a lot of things to do to be able to make everything work out for this day. i determined i could do it.

i got myself ready to go as if i was just going to aaron's business meeting, making myself look appropriate and hoping that he would be pleased. i thought of the Scripture in Proverbs 12:4, "A virtuous and worthy wife is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is rottenness to his bones." i did not want to be rottenness, i wanted to be a crowning joy. so, i packed up everything that i used to get myself ready to go in my purse, just in case there was a dirty windstorm at josiah's game, and headed to the town his game was being played at. i got there and watched josiah pitch great. they won 11-6. then, i went to my van to check myself out to see what i looked like. how much damage had the dirty wind caused me?

well, a little. so, i pulled the bathroom sink out of my purse and did a little magic. then, i headed over to baseball game number two. i met aaron at the front gate. i had made it and i hope that he was pleased with how i looked and was proud to have me by his side.

we headed up to the suite and i met his business friends, a lawyer, a top realtor, the president of the bank and their wives, of course. we ate. we talked. we watched some of the game. i listened to people talk about their lives, their children, and the events going on in their businesses. it was very enjoyable.

at one point, while aaron was talking to some of the men, i was sitting in the box seats and actually watching the game. but, my mind was on the events of the day and the evening going on. i sat there and thought how wonderful that my life was and how much that God has blessed our lives. what was going on right then was Proverbs 31:23, "Her husband is known in the city's gates, when he sits among the elders of the land." God was moving in our lives to set us in the proper places to be that shining light in the darkness and He was promoting us, using my husband to anchor a spot for Jesus in the businesses of this small part of our world. the lawyer, the realtor, and the president of the bank may not know it but God is moving in and amongst them on a weekly basis through His appointed child.

there is only one way

it really seems to me that the story of everyone's life is pretty much the same. we all want the same things in life. to be happy, prosperous, and have peace is really what motivates us to go forward in life and find the desire of our hearts. we all may have different ideas of what will make us happy. some want a high paying corporate job and think that will get them what they want. some want to find someone to love them and raise a few kids together thinking that is what will make them happy. some want to live in the city where all the action is and some want to live in the country where there are more animals than people. some people think they need to have made a name for themselves some way before they will ever be truly happy. but, what makes us all the same is that we all want to be happy and we set out in life to figure out what it is that will bring that to pass in our life.

some peopele struggle harder than others to find these things because the intensity of trials and hardships in their lives make grasping their dreams more difficult. but, it really seems that most of us all go through pretty similar lives. we all deal with garbage from our past. we all have trials to overcome in our lives now. and we are all hoping that our future contains the blessings of happiness, prosperity, and peace.

the life that we have all been given can make us better, by looking to the one Who loves us, to bring that to pass in our life. or, it can make us bitter because we are just mad that we have to go through so much and it does not seem that anyone else has to go through what we do, which is not true, but it seems that way when we are stuggling so badly sometimes. the truth is, every person has hurdles to jump and bullets to dodge to keep them from being defeated in their journey to find what they are looking for. we have an enemy that makes sure of this.

the truth of the matter is that there is only one thing that truly makes a person happy. no matter what circumstances may come our way, happiness and peace and spiritual prosperity can be experienced and greatly evident in all of our lives. God created us with an empty hole in us that desires to be happy and live in peace. and, He made Himself be the only way that hole could ever be filled. true happiness is only possible when there is peace. peace is what happens when war and turmoil end. and, peace inside our heart, thoughts, and feelings is only possible through Jesus.

when the angels announced the birth of Jesus, their first declaration was, "do not be afraid, i bring you good news of great joy which will come to all people....glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill toward all men."(Luke 2:10-14) Jesus continues to confirm that peace is available in Him. In John 14:27, He says, "Peace I leave with you, My own peace I now give to you." In John 16:33, He tells us that in this world we will encounter trials, tribulations and distresses that are not brought about by Him. He came to bring peace in the midst of them. we can have perfect peace in Him, knowing that He has already conquered the power within the world and the peace that He has acquired is now ours through Him. and in Isaiah 9:6, He is called the Prince of Peace, the One who maintains our peace for us.

we are all looking for the war and turmoil to end in our lives and the peace that follows. but, there are not many roads to get there. you don't get there in your vocation or in the person you marry. you don't get there by driving the nicest car or living in the nicest home. you can't find it in fame. you can't find it knowledge. there is only one way to get to attain the desire of our heart! there is only one way! JESUS!

he will rise up and call me blessed

For some reason, my fifteen year old son seems to think that i can still help him with his algegra homework. i do remember some things about algebra and i have been able to help him in the past. but, his skill level is just about to pass mine up when it comes to math. i love the fact that he comes to me and asks me to help him with anything at all. so, i do not want to discourage him from asking me for help. he seems to think he knows so much these days and that i know so little. i remember feeling the same way when i was his age. it feels good when he recognizes that i might still know something that he doesn't.

pride is that disease that we all seem to get at one point or another in our life. children seem to start showing the symptoms right as they hit the teenage years of their life. doubting what you say is true, rolling their eyes as you speak, talking back when you ask them to do something, acting like you don't know what you're doing when you're driving down the road, of course they have not ever driven yet themselves: these are all symptoms that begin to show up in the life of the one who is coming down with the disease. i have seen all of these signs in his life at one point or another. so when he does think i might have a few things i might know that he doesn't, i want to savor every minute of his humble heart toward me.

i remember thinking that i knew so much more than my parents when i was a teenager too. i remember arguing with my mom, thinking that she just did not know what she was talking about and was so wrong. but, today i realize how smart that she has always been. seeing that in my life along with the promise from God in Proverbs 31:28, "my children will rise up and call me blessed," gives me hope for an enjoyable, long-lasting relationship with my son. i guess that is where faith comes into play.

i have to honestly admit that i have had times when i thought that he was not going to ever look to me again for any kind of wisdom or understanding for his life. and, i felt as if he thought that i was always wrong and did not know what i was talking about. in those times i had to take my heart to God and say, "Help me Lord! What do you say about Josiah? What is the Truth? What is your promise concerning my children?" and He would remind me, "He is mine! I have him in the palm of my hand. He is righteous before me. His heart is soft and tender toward me. He is a blessing to his family and brings peace to his home. He will rise up and call you blessed." my heart begins to settle as i listen and believe what He says is truth! I begin to once again, by faith, see the vision of His promise coming to pass in my heart and it brings me life!(Habakkuk 2:3,4)

praying for my kids

today, i'm finding myself longing for a deeper revelation concerning the manifestation of God's character in my life. i know that i am the righteousness of God because of Jesus. i have exchanged my filthy rags for His fine linen. but, i want to experience more of the power and fruit of this brand new garment that i have been given by my Lord and Saviour. i want to laugh when He laughs. i want to cry when He cries. i want to respond the way He responds. i want to say what He says. i want to reveal His character in all that i do. and i want my children to experience this same kind of relationship with their Heavenly Father too.

as i looked into the Word of God today i heard the Lord speaking to my spirit concerning my children and this issue that was pressing strongly in my mind and heart. i want my children to develop their own personal relationship with God through His Word. but, i do not want to make them feel like reading their Bible and praying is something that they have to do, but something that they desire to do themselves. i know that if they do not understand, that when they read the Word, it is actually God speaking to them, revealing Himself in a personal way, then all they are accomplishing by reading it is just filling their mind with more information. and, they will not being changed by the power of what they read.

i have known many people who know the Bible inside and out and yet do not have the joy or peace that the revelation of the Truth brings to the person who seeks the Word of God as if they have found a priceless treasure with a never-ending bottom, knowing that God Himself has spoken each word to bring them a fuller understanding of Who He is. these people could be doctors of the Mosaic Law. They argue about seemingly unimportant, purposeless issues just to make themselves look as if they are so well-versed in Scripture. and yet they seem to be a stranger to the One who spoke every word. Paul refers to these types of people in I Timothy, chapter one.

i do not want this for my kids. so i pray today; "Lord, i know you love me and i know you love my children. i'm asking you today to draw my children to your heart through your written word. speak to them and reveal yourself to the deepest areas of their heart. help them to see that when they read Your Word, You are speaking directly to them revealing all that You are and all that You long for them to become because of Your love for them. create in them a tender heart and an attitude of awe for your written Word that will motivate them to read it and be changed by the revelation that You show them through it. Thank you Lord that you love them even more than i do."

filthy rags or fine linen

i don't remember when i got saved. i don't remember my first time at church. i don't remember the first time i sang a hymn or read my Bible. but, i sure remember the first time God spoke to me and said that my righteousness was as filthy rags.

i was a little girl when my mom first got saved. so, i can not remember not going to church. it was always a part of my life. i loved God. i loved church. i loved everything about it. all of my church experiences were good ones. i always felt loved and approved of there. of course, i loved approval. so, i made sure to always act appropriately and do what i thought was necessary for God and others to think highly of me.

i wanted to be good. i liked being good. i could never understand why others did not want to be good. i found a lot of favor from a lot of people by being good and i liked that a lot. being good was really worth it to me. it was very beneficial to me in so many ways. except for one. as i got older, my sense of pride in myself and my tendency to think that i had arrived at this place of goodness in my life because of me and my choices caused me to be unmerciful, unsympathetic, uncompassionate and very judgemental toward others, who i thought showed weakness in not making themselves do what was right. it caused me to stand in self righteousness.

as i journeyed through my life and my walk with God, i found myself looking to God to continue to bless my life and show me favor. but, my reasoning was not because of Him and His goodness but me and my goodness. i had a sense of pride about me that i did not recognize was there until one day when i was asking God why He was not blessing my life in a particular area because i had been so faithful and done what i thought He had expected me to and He said to me, "christy, your righteousness is not good enough. it is like filthy rags to Me. the standard that I require is perfect righteousness, like the fine linen. found only in My Son, Jesus." God stood me next to Jesus and showed me that even all of the good that i had been and done was like dung next to the perfect goodness of Jesus. i was stunned and yet freed at the same time. but, it was not a defeated day. it was a liberating day for me because God did not leave me there in a state of bewilderment. He began to show me that i was bringing my own efforts of being good, my righteousness, before Him instead of His efforts, His righteousness that He had already given me by faith in the finished work of Jesus. i was trying to qualify for God's blessing and favor by being good instead of relying on the good that He already created in me, in Christ. i could not take credit for the good that only He had given me the ability to do in the first place because without Jesus, there was no good thing in me.

since this moment, my life has never been the same! i am free! i am free! i am free!
i live and move and breathe and expect God's hand and favor and blessing in my life depending on God's gift of righteousness given to me through Jesus. i see myself as being nothing good except the good that Jesus made me to be and i am finding myself being merciful, sympathetic, compassionate and accepting of others. i am finding myself in a state of peace and rest. i know that Jesus gift of righteousness makes me capable of standing before God knowing that i have a right to expect His provision because Jesus had been so faithful and did what God expected Him to by taking my sin and giving me His goodness. today, i am good not because i choose to be but because He made me that way! i exchanged my filthy rags for His fine linen.

dry bones

"dry bones." "dry bones." "dry bones."

as i sit down to write today, that's all i seem to be hearing in my heart. what about dry bones? what does it mean? where are they?

Holy Spirit lead me to revelation in the Truth today!

dry: parched, lack of moisture, thirsty, needing rain, death is near, sometimes represents death

bones: the skeleton of human existence, foundation on which physical life is created, needed for human movement, physical strength or muscles attach itself to it

just some of the words or phrases that come to me as i think about the words "dry" and "bones".

living bones are not dry. they have moist marrow in their center bringing them nourishment. dry bones would be bones that have been cut off from their supply of nourishment. they would become weak and unable to hold a person's weight. they would break under the pressure of physical movement. they would cease to be able to perform their needed task for human life.

so what is the spiritual nugget in this? i know there is one!

dry bones-incapable of holding the weight of the strength of physical life, human incapacitation in need of nourishment and life.

wow! ok! now with spiritual understanding. we all have dry bones. we are incapable of carrying the weight of our own sin and incapable of enduring the pressure of physically carrying out the Law of God on our own.

i remember in Ezekiel, God tells the son of man to prophesy to the dry bones and say to them, "hear the Word of the Lord." and, God caused breath and spirit to enter them and they came to life.

without the life of God in me, i have dry bones. i am incapable of carrying my own weight and doing the righteous work of God without the breath of God and His Spirit in me. when i heard the Word of God and believed it, God caused His life to come into my bones and empowered me to carry out and fulfill His will in my life. His life gave my bones strength that i did not have before. now i am capable through His Strength to walk righteously. that makes what Paul says in Phillipians 4:13 a deeper revelation to me, "I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me (I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me: I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency.)"

my dry bones have come to life through the prophesy of the Word of the Lord because He breathed His life by His Spirit in me and now my bones are empowered by His strength and i can live and move freely in His power.

thank you Lord for a fresh revelation of my complete and utter dependence upon you to enable me to live righteously! my dry bones have come to life!

why i blog

one of my very favorite blogging friends, Jennifer, has just this week started a series at Getting Down with Jesus, on "why we blog." she has challenged any of her readers that would like to join her in this series on our own blogs to do so. i thought it was a great idea to think to myself and consider, "why do i blog?"

i just began writing a blog about six weeks ago. i had been introduced to blogging several months before that. i had met a new friend at my church and was told that she wrote a blog and that i should stop by sometime and read it. so i did. i was so touched and moved by the sweetness of her heart as i read what she wrote. her blog, Little Mommy of Two is simple. she lists five things on each post about what she is thankful for. what an amazing thing to do to keep ourselves recognizing the blessings that are going on all around us everyday. I frequently stopped by her blog to be touched by what God was doing in her life. then, i realized that she had started another one about what God was showing her, what she was learning at church and how it had changed her life, My Life {in the Light}. i pretty much cried through each of her posts because i had seen this young lady grow in so many ways and here i was reading about what was going on inside of her heart. i was overwhelmed with how her words touched my own heart so deeply.

it was then that i gave in to the leading of the Spirit of God to begin my own journey of putting my heart into words here in the blogging world. i thought it just might be possible for God to use me and the secret issues in my life, that many times i only share with Him, to touch someone else in the way that Steph's sharing of her heart had so deeply touched mine.

i am a wife and a mom of five wonderful children and i have an amazing life. but, i am still daily finding myself stuggling with the challenges of raising my individual children, all with unique personalities, strengths, and weaknesses and being a support to my wonderful husband. taking my heart to Jesus everday for His guidance and wisdom to help me get through each struggle and come out victorious in the end was my goal. and God is so faithful!!

writing a blog has helped me to continue to lay my heart out before Him and be real. be real with Him and myself. i have found that many of the things that my heart is struggling with get resolved as i sit and begin to write out my heart and let Him take me to the answer through my Bible and my keyboard. it has been an amazing adventure for me. God has brought me daily to new enlightening Truths and revelations as i look inside of me to find Him. His guidance has helped me with finding answers for my family that i could have never resolved without Him. as i sit each day and think about what my heart is pondering, i take whatever it is, good or bad, and lay it at His feet, either in need or in thanksgiving. then, as Jennifer said so beautifully in her post today, i listen! and i write what His love has ministered to my heart at that moment. it is so healing to me. and, i pray that someone just might happen to find my blog, hear my heart being touched by my God, and be moved and touched in the core of their being as well. that is why i blog.

Help Them Lord!

my heart is overwhelmed today as i have read many posts in my blogging community this morning where tears have just streamed down my face because of the circumstances that some of them are going through. one specifically is burning in my heart. just yesterday, a family that had a young baby named Kayleigh, who was born prematurely 10 1/2 months ago and had overcome so many things in her young life, went home to be with Jesus. i can not even imagine how the family must feel. i do not even know how to pray. i asked the Lord, "Help this family. Help them Lord. Help them." i do not even know how to explain that as i prayed that, i could not even imagine what it would be that the Lord could say or do for them right now that could help them at all. "she is in Heaven with Jesus now." "she is not dealing with all of her health issues any more." "we will see her again someday." i am sure that all of their friends and family members and God Himself is comforting them with these words. but, i know that the pain of the "now" has got to still be burning in their hearts and my heart is hurting for them too.

the family writes a blog about their journey with their baby. they show many pictures of her life along the way. you see her grow and you find yourself hoping and praying that they will get to take her home with their other children and raise her as their miracle baby from God. but, yesterday was where the physical journey of their baby girl came to an end and has to contiue on into eternity, which is where their hope must remain. the swelling feeling of grief that i have in my heart for a baby girl and her family that i do not even physically know makes me to know that what they are going through must be so much more intense right now. i can not even imagine! as i can not get away from thinking about this today, i know God is putting it on my heart to continue to lift them up to Him. Please Help them Lord! That is all i can get out! PLEASE HELP THEM!!!!!

mother's day

today was mother's day. i am sure that many mother's were treated to many wonderful things. i know i was. toast and coffee in bed with many sweet notes from my wonderful children, a homemade picture frame from my youngest daughter, and an amazing comment on one of my recent posts on my blog from my sweet husband was just the start of my wonderful mother's day. a great message from my pastor about seeing and believing that i am highly favored by God with all the capabilities of living my life in the fullness of His power manifesting in me as i raise my children because i am who He says i am, added to the blessings of my day. lunch with my wonderful family and visiting my mother-in-law to bless her just topped it off. it was a wonderful day for me. yet, i am sure that many moms were disappointed today because of the unmet expectations they had yearning in their hearts for approval and acknowledgement from their children or spouse. this used to be the case with me on many occasions.

sometimes, special days, such as mother's day or birthdays bring a hint of sadness and disappointment in the hearts of the one's expecting to be honored because the day that they had dreamed up in their mind was not lived up to in the experience of their day. expectations can destroy us. they can keep us from enjoying the daily moments and blessings of our life and cause us to dwell only on our lack seen in our crushed, conjured up dreams. of all the times that i can think of where i have had preconceived ideas or expectations of an event coming up in my life, i can't seem to remember one time where i did not end that day without some kind of sad disappointment in my heart wondering why such and such did not say something to me or buy me a gift. then, ususally, i would see or hear of others receiving the kind of day that i was expecting or hoping for and that would make it worse. but, it was actually in those frustrating times of thinking that i deserved more than what was given to me that God showed me that i was looking for validation and praise from someone besides Him, thinking that i should be doted upon for something that He did in and through me anyways.

after several disappointing times in my life, because no matter what anyone would have done for me it could not have met my expectations, i began to turn to Him for my validation as a wife, mom, and child of God. He tells me that i am a virtuous woman, i am more valuable to Him than rubies, He sings over me with joy, and He thinks about me and desires to bless me all day, everyday. when i allowed His opinion to matter the most, i could then appreciate every other word of honor and blessing that came from others too without thinking, "that was nice. it is about time they acknowledged that in me and showed me some appreciaion for it." because they weren't the substance to my worth anymore, they are just confirming what my Father had already planted deep in my heart, i could actually enjoy any affirmation of thankfulness in whatever measure it was given.

so, now i can enjoy every birthday and mother's day because i am not expecting those days to show me my worth. i am not thinking that someone should make me feel really loved, special and appreciated in any certain way on those days. i already know the truth, i am loved, special and appreciated by the One that matters most. that brings me such deep satisfaction even if no one else but God and i recognize that. so, when others recognize and confirm what i already know is true because of the pursuing love of God, it is just an added bonus of another blessing from Him. if no one else notices all i do in loving and caring for my children, He does, because He is the one Who guides and empowers me to do what i do in the first place. (Isaiah 40:11)

one word from God

God said "Let there be light." and there was light! God said, "Let there be a firmament in midst of the water." and there was the sky! God said, "Let the dry land appear." and it did! God said, "Let there be lights in the sky to give light on the earth." and there was the stars, the moon, and the sun! God said, "Let the waters bring forth living creatures and let birds fly in the sky." and they were! God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures." and is was so!

it is so amazing to me when i think that God brought our world into existence just because He said so. over and over again the Scriptures tell us that, "God said....and it was." the creative force of His words are beyond the comprehension of our human understanding. to think that His words are so powerful that just one word from His mouth moves heaven and earth to bring forth whatsoever He desires. and yet, i fail to remember this most awesome truth about my God and so many times i find myself doubting what His Word can do for me.

God said....and it was! God said....and it was! God said....and it was!

What has He said about me? "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."(Psalm 139:14) "You are a brand new creature, old things are past away, all things have become new."(II Corinthians 5:17) "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."(Matthew 11:30) "I have loved you with an everlasting love."(Jeremiah 31:3) Wow! so, God said...and it is. the power in His words will change nothing into something. whatever God says....is. one word from God can change death into life, darkness into light, ashes into beauty, or a hopeless heart into a joyful heart. one word from God can change everything.

THE GOLDEN HEART AWARD

I am so honored to be nominated with an award from one of my newest blogging friends, Sarah from "God's Not Finished with Us Yet" Her blog is wonderful! She really uses it to minister the love of Jesus to everyone who visits her. Please stop by and check it out, say hello and leave her a comment. She will bless you!

To be perfectly honest, I did not even know that this kind of thing, that is so encouraging, was done in the blogging world. I just created my blog about a month ago and I am clueless to many of these things. This award really does mean alot to me though because it shows that there are people out there who really are reading what I am posting in my blog and God is touching them in some way.

I started my blog because I was inspired by a blog that a friend of mine was writing. I was so touched and inspired by it that I thought that maybe God might be leading me to blog as well. So, i began this new adventure in my life and I haven't looked back. I am really enjoying taking my heart to Jesus in writing and letting Him speak to me. Hopefully what I am finding out is blessing others too. The only way to really know that is for the readers to comment and share on the posts that minister to them in some way. or someone sweet, like Sarah, sends me an award.

Now its my turn to bless someone else with this award. I get to choose 5 friends who have been very encouraging to me and have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed into the blogging community. And, everytime, i visit them they continue to bless my heart with their own writings as well. Please visit them and encourage them today. Say hello and where you are visiting from or leave them a comment about one of their posts. I am sure they would love a new friend too, if you would choose to follow their blog. I have chosen these five friends to bless:

1. Stephanie from "Little Mommy of Two"---She is my original ispiration.
2. Jennifer from "Getting Down with Jesus"---Her writing is breath taking.
3. Kim from "My Words are not My Own"---The most encouraging person I know.
4. DeeDee from "DeeDee's"---She makes me feel warm inside when I read her posts.
5. Daveda from "Grace Talk with Daveda"---My friend whose potential is beyond me.


Now, to those of you who have received this award, if you decide to accept this award, it's your turn. You get to choose 5 blogging friends that mean something to you to pass the "Golden Heart Award" along to. Post it in your blog. Make sure you put the picture of the award in it. Then, send them a note and let them know you nominated them. Ask your readers to check out their sites and leave them a comment or follow them if they choose to. If you have any questions let me know. I might be able to help. Or I know someone who probably can. Congratulations! I think you are all wonderful!

Here are the links to all of their sites. Please visit them!
Sarah---
Stephanie---Little Mommy of Two
Jennifer---Getting Down with Jesus
Kim---My Words are not My Own
DeeDee---DeeDee's
Daveda---Grace Talk with Daveda

i want that

it is sad to me and kind of frustrating that i can not get through more than a couple of days without raising my voice and being angry with my kids. i hate to yell and yet it seems my voice level reaches that point so much more often than i would like for it to, because i would like for it to be never. i want to just be able to blame my raising my voice in frustration on my kids telling them that if they would just do what i tell them and stop being unkind to your brother and sisters, then i would not have to yell. actually i think i have said that before. but, i know that the tone and the voice level that i use when i am communicating is not determined by anyone but myself.

my kids hate it too. and i don't blame them. who likes to be yelled at. i hear them say to me, "mom, your yelling at me!" it didn't seem to me like i was yelling. i was just trying to get my point across. but, to be perfectly honest, if i were the one listening to me instead of talking then i probably would have thought i was yelling too. then they try to put the guilt trip on me for yelling and the discussion turns from their misbehavior to mine. how do they do that? my response is usually defensive in saying that i don't know how to emphasize my point without raising my voice. and the guilt trip continues when they say, "aunt connie never yells." which they are right. i don't think that she ever does. how does she do that? i want that!

i know that when i have bad behavior that God's response to me is always gentle, kind and patient. how does he do that? i want that! His way is so much more effective than mine. He reminds me of who i am and that my behavior is not reflecting that. and i am humbled and lean on Him to empower me to change my attitude or actions, or ususally both. it is amazing to me when i hear the unction of the Spirit of God within me urging me to see myself as His child, who is righteous and holy, when i am not acting that way. He convicts me of my righteousness and it brings me humbly to my knees. then, He empowers me to think and act the way that my Father does. i guess i can act like that. i just wish i could continue to remember that all the time before i act like an idiot. then again, that is what the Holy Spirit is for, to remind me.

so, remind me Lord. remind me everyday of who You are. remind me of Your goodness. remind me of Your love. remind me of your mercy. remind me of Your grace. remind me of Your righteousness in me so that i can see myself responding like you in all that i do. i want that!

enjoy the chase

when i was a young girl, i remember that we used to play tag, or chase as we called it, at recess. it was usually boys against girls, of course, with equal number of each of us. the boys would chase the girls until they caught one of us and put us in jail. as each one of us was caught, there were more boys to gang up on the girls that were left which made it harder to get away. finally, when all the girls were caught and put in jail, they would let us all out, to then, chase them. i remember it being so much fun, giggling and laughing the whole time. but, really i loved being chased more than chasing. i liked the idea that someone was wanting to capture me, even though it was my duty to try to get away because that was the way that you played the game, i kind of liked it when i got caught. isn't that funny to think i pretended like i didn't want to get caught and i ran like i didn't want to get caught but i loved the chase and loved it when i did get caught.

then, when i became a teenager, the game was still the same but i wasn't quite so obvious about the running to get away part. when i knew a boy liked me, i would enjoy his attention and be nice to him. but, i would always keep him at an arm's length away. then, when i decided that i liked one of them enough, i would let him
catch me. it always seemed that the chase was so much more fun than being caught because once I had a boyfriend, or was caught, the chase wasn't there anymore.

i think that we all love being chased or pursued. it meets a need inside of us that desires to be wanted. it makes us feel good to know that someone sees something in us that makes them want to go out of their way to seek us out, to be close to us, or get to know us more. even today, i find myself still enjoying being pursued by my husband, my children, and my friends. when they call me up and want to go to lunch, or want to go to the movies together, or just out for coffee, it makes me have that same feeling inside of enjoying the chase of someone who thinks i might be a little bit interesting or fun to be with.

then there are those times that seem like they are not so fun, like everyone has caught me already and they are on to the next person who is more interesting than me. it is during those times of feeling kind of left out and lonely that i turn my heart to God and realize that there is still Someone who wants me and is pursuing me continuously, no matter if i reject Him over and over again, He still continues to seek me out and chase me down. That Someone is my heavenly Father who chases me with a detemination to capture me and yet even in the capture of a portion of me, still
continues to pursue me until He has all of me. Ezekiel 34:11 states, "For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I Myself, will search for My sheep and will seek them out."
God, Himself, is seeking me out and chasing me because He thinks that i am worth the chase. when i think about that, the giggles and the laughter come strongly in my heart. it makes me enjoy Him more because i know that He sees me as worthy of the chase. and, as i recognize His pursuit, i recognize how much He loves me and His devotion to me no matter what. even when i look for the thrill of the chase in someone besides Him, He never gets discouraged and never quits. each time i recognize the thrill in me at knowing that God Himself is chasing me, my desire and need to look for a pursuer in someone else lessens and i just want to relish in His love and enjoy the chase.