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Thursday, July 30, 2009

tell me about it thursday



I decided to follow my friend Sandy at One Day at a Time and write a post for her meme called Tell Me About IT Thursday each week she gives us an idea of something to write about from our childhood. this week's theme was "An event in your life that changed your life forever" if you want to read more Tell Me About It Thursday posts stop by and check out her blog to find them.


i think back on my childhood and i can remember being so aware of everything that seemed to be going on. i remember events that happened in other people's lives that i probably should not have even known about because i was always paying attention to every detail that was happening all around me. i could be playing in a room somewhere and still know what was going on in the next room and hear the conversation that was being spoken. i was very interested in everyone's lives that i came in contact with. i learned a lot as a kid. i grew up with a lot of wisdom and knowledge and understanding because i paid attention to how people handled the storms in their lives and came up with my own ideas of what i thought they should do even then. i saw people make poor choices with their lives and wondered what in the world they were doing. as a kid, i could see that was a stupid thing to do. i sat back and listened and i guess i would say i even judged people's choices and actions that they took in their lives and i watched to see what the outcome of their choices were. this sounds odd for a child but i was interested in people and how they handled their life.

this part of my personality caused me to learn a lot in my life without having to experience bad things to learn them. I learned from other people's mistakes. i learned that doing the right thing paid off in the long run. i learned that following your feelings usually got you into more trouble than you were in before. i learned that when people are hurting, they should never make important decisions. all of these things made me grow up with wisdom beyond my years and i knew it. as i got older, i felt very wise and competent to help people with their issues and welcomed people to come and beckon me to help them with their problems. and they came.

i began to feel as if i could handle any issue in my life and other people's too. many times i felt like i just wish people would let me live their life for a few days and i would get them all fixed up. sounds arrogant, i know! i was getting there. i saw myself as a young girl who wanted to do what was right. i thought i knew what right was and i did it. i could not understand why other people did not see life the way that i did and I could not understand why they made such stupid choices in their life. i had little compassion or mercy for people because i felt like their poor decisions got them in their predicament and they would have to do what was right to get themselves out of it. don't get me wrong! i was not mean or hateful! i loved people and wanted them to be happy and do right. i wanted them to experience the good life that i knew that God wanted them to have. i just felt like their struggles were brought on by themselves and they would have to do the right thing to get themselves out of their own messes. i was prideful and judgmental because i thought that i pretty much always did the right thing all of the time, so why couldn't they?

what i learned about God did not help me much because it seemed that everything that i learned about Him backed up what i believed as a child. i learned that God would bless you if you do good and curse you if you do bad. so, of course, i wanted to always do good and i expected to be blessed because of it. i thought the same would be true of everyone else also. as i grew up and became an adult i took my self righteous attitude along with me. but, life became different for me because i began to see things differently, with adult responsibilities and issues. i looked to God to take care of the things that concerned me because i had been so faithful to serve Him and do right. i felt i had done my part and i expected Him to do what He said He would do now. i felt His presence strong in my life but yet my concerns still lingered. i began to get confused and wonder why God did not seem to be answering my call to take care of me in many different ways.

i struggled with this in my walk with God for a couple of years until i finally asked Him to show me what was wrong with me. i had done what i thought He desired for me to do. i had lived my life for Him. i had not strayed into the world and lived in sin. i had done things right in so many ways. then one day, God showed me something me that changed the rest of my life. it was as if He took me by the hand to walk me to a destination and i followed. He lead me right to the foot of the cross and stood me next to Jesus. i immediately felt my heart grieve inside for i knew that He was showing me that my righteousness was nothing in comparison to His Son. i recognized immediately that i was expecting God to move on my behalf because i thought that i had been good enough rather than because Jesus was good enough. my heart was broken yet freed at the same time. I felt like crying yet laughing at the same time. i realized i was trying so hard to be good before, that i missed the whole point of leaning on and depending upon my savior for my access to the provision of God. my righteousness was as filthy rags to God and He could not bless it.

i have never been the same since this time in my life. now, compassion and mercy flow from my innermost being and i long to take people in my arms and hurt with them and ask God to take care of their needs because He loves them and is a merciful God. His heart now flows from me. now, instead of me seeing people's failures, i see their need for the revelation of the love and goodness of their God and Savior. God continues to show me more and more areas today where i find myself seeking God to take care of an issue based on something that i have done instead of what Jesus has done. but, God gently continues to lead me back to the cross every time and i repent and return my gaze to the proper means of righteousness.

33 comments:

The Real Me! said...

Oh I enjoyed reading this so much my friend.
God is so good and sometimes He needs to yank me back to the foot of the cross too. Notice I said yanked because sometimes it hurts to go there and see OUR sin but it's so needed.
My son pays attention to detail and conversations too. You can tell he just absorbs every word!
Big hugs to you today sweet sister!
Kim

~Sandy~ said...

Oh my goodnes!!!! You and I are soooooooo much alike. I could have written this post myself because it so fit me and my struggle to accept that my way of thinking wasn't God's way of thinking. He has been dealing with me me even lately about this. I so could relate to every word you said. Thanks for sharing your heart and for joining me. ((hugs))Sandy

twofinches said...

Christy Rose

I am always fascinated in the way that God often knits together Christan bloggers by providing a common theme that we find running through one anothers posts. This post of yours is exactly like that!

Your honesty is so refreshing and because of that people can latch onto your message and say "She is me!"

Last night I posted a piece titiled "Will Worship" and it ties in so well with you confession at the foot of the cross. I wrote:

"The sin of the Pharisees was not that they followed laws designed to make their lives pleasing to God. No, their sin was that they believed that they held within themselves the ability to satisfy God's demands for holiness. They had, in fact, positioned themselves as their very own saviour"

I sense that you are a woman who seeks God's heart and then applies it ot the page. What an honor to have found your site

Mich said...

Great post! We are very similar in the young childhood part only I went through the opposite phase when older...feeling not good enough for God. I was the doubting Thomas that had to be shown a few things for my heart to realize that nobody deserves Christ's sacrifice, it is simply a gift.

He & Me + 3 said...

I feel like I could have helped you write this post. Wow how we were similiar as children. So glad that God led you to the foot of the cross. May I always visit the foot of the cross & realize that it is because of what He did for me...not what I do.
Beautiful post.

Pilar said...

This is a cool meme... I may cry way often though while trying to write one :)

Maybe one day I will venture myself to take a part of it.

thanks for sharing btw :)

Joye @ The Joyeful Journey said...

I can so identify with what you have written! I have been there, too! And I'm so glad Jesus didn't leave us there--I'm so glad that he showed me how much I need Him. I must become less-He must become more!

Thank you so much for all your prayers, dear friend!!! I have needed them!

Heart2Heart said...

Christy!

I love this post! It truly does take you inside the heart of the person writing it. Thank you for allowing us to glimpse inside yours and find out how much God has changed you from the beginning.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Darcie said...

Thanks for your reminder...God doesn't choose us for who we are, but for what he can accomplish in us...always good for me to remember. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Jenn@Spejory said...

Christy Rose,

Oh, this is great stuff! I know there have been times that I felt "I did my part, now You owe me!" (Even though I wouldn't have actually had that thought, this was how I acted out what was in my heart). But no, He doesn't owe me anything--look what God has already done for me. It's all about the cross. Thank you for being so real today, and for sharing your heart.

Saleslady371 said...

What a beautiful testimony. I'm thankful Jesus saves us from ourselves every day.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I was pretty judgmental growing up ... thinking I had things all figured out when it came to my spiritual walk with Jesus. And then open rebellion came knocking, and I found myself in a place I thought I'd never be.

Open sin. Lots of it, all justified, of course, in my own mind. And while this season offers me many reasons for regret, my "coming home" offers me a great understanding of grace. Consequently, I'm more willing to offer it to others.

I'm still in such need of it!

Thanks for sharing this part of your story with us.

By his grace, friend. Only by his grace...

peace~elaine

Karen said...

I so enjoyed reading this wonderful testimony and was truly touched by what you shared. One line that really spoke to me was "i find myself seeking God to take care of an issue based on something that i have done instead of what Jesus has done." Been there and done that...praise the Lord for His long-suffering mercy and grace....

Linda said...

Your open, honest heart are such a blessing Christy. You have truly grown in wisdom and grace. I love the way the Lord meets us right where we are and then shows us the way he would have us grow. He is so compassionate and patient.
Thank you for sharing this.

rcubes said...

Great story sister Christy and a powerful testimony and reminder at the same time. That our righteousness only comes from knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

And I know that He is using you to reach out to others, if not here, also with those who come across your path. May the Lord guide you with His wisdom and protect you as you do so [share His love and grace]. Love and blessings to you.

Loren said...

Christy,

This is a beautiful testimony of Gods grace and mercy!
I also see a humble woman who seeks after the heart of her Father.....may we all do this each and every day!

Thankyou for sharing and being so transparent with all of us. We praise the Lord with you my friend for He alone is worthy of all praise, glory and honor.

love to you

Warren Baldwin said...

I want to read this post again. I see myself in this a lot. With me it is studying. If I study enough I can figure out what to preach or teach about, it will be interesting, etc. It comes back to what I do, not what Jesus has already done! We all need to stand before the cross and lead others here; that is our calling. Good post.

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

Wonderful to meet you! I love making new bloggy friends. Don't you just love the name Josiah and what it means? When I named him that, it was not popular. People would say, "Jo-what?". Now I hear of people naming their kids Josiah all the time.

Great post, BTW! I'm hitting the following button now.

God Bless and stop by for visit anytime.
Jackie

♥georgie♥ said...

what an amazing post!
"Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest"

Mary at My New 30 said...

Wow, what a great post, as always!! All of your readers are so blessed to have you be such an open book for us, and sharing these pieces of your life and the knowledge you have gained from them.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I could have written this post...Loved it...It is a rainy day here in La and I have enjoyed some blog reading....

momstheword said...

Yes, it sounds very similar to my growing up. I learned from the mistakes of others. I also didn't have much sympathy. I figured "hey, you made that wrong choice so don't complain about how it turned out."

God is full of grace and love and fortunately is willing to extend it to us, and sometimes He needs to humble us as well.

It's one reason why the Body of Christ needs one another. So our strengths will temper one another's weaknesses.

Crown of Beauty said...

I really loved the way you wrote about this part of your life.

All along while I was reading this, your blog music was playing...and they are all my favorites!

Thank you for taking time to write about it...so clear, so beautifully expressed. How great God was to bring you to the foot of the cross and speak life to your broken heart!

I'm passing on a blog award to you. Please visit my Aug. 2 post to pick it up!

Beth in NC said...

Oh Christy Rose, all I could think when I first began to read your story was how God had gifted you with a mantle of a judge. I don't know if i have that right, but there was definitely a spiritual mantle there. Most children don't grow up with that wisdom. Of course Satan twisted and perverted it so there would be pride and haughtiness, but wasn't God precious to bring balance through Jesus?

I bet you would have made a great judge using spiritual wisdom from the Lord with your rulings.

(Thank you for visiting me.)

Bless you!
Beth

Sharon@JoyInTheTruth said...

Oh how wonderful to read this testimony. Thank you for sharing. And I love this theme of the meme!

And so enjoyed seeing the pix from previous blog posts here. ;)

~*Michelle*~ said...

Oh wow.....I think this is ranking on my top 5 Christy Rose posts. :)

"i recognized immediately that i was expecting God to move on my behalf because i thought that i had been good enough rather than because Jesus was good enough."

this.blew.me.away.

thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece of your life.
xox

Sarah Dawn said...

Such a joy to walk to the foot of the cross with you today. In the shadow of all He has done, my life is forever changed. Now. I'm learning to live in the power of His resurrection.

Blessings from Costa Rica,
Sarah Dawn

Julie said...

It was nice to read more about your life's journey.

Thank you for your words at my blog! I appreciate your visit and your words.

Mocha Momma said...

Camp and water parks are fun. It just takes some motivation to get us out there.

H should be fine. She is dealing with her first menses. She didn't appreciate the timing, but it'll pass and she'll have part of her week free from it.

I miss her and pray for her a lot. I do hope for an amazing experi-ence for her. Hoping she'll hear God speaking to her heart this week.

Mocha Momma said...

Great insight! What a great lesson to learn.

Being judgemental has certainly been damaging in my relationship with God.

I have so much to learn. God is faithful to teach me & be patient with me.

Thanks for sharing again. You are so honest. That takes humility.

Nannette

Kerri said...

What a great lesson to learn. Thanks for sharing that with us! God really does know exactly what we need to learn and finds the perfect way to teach it to us.

Kee said...

I just saw this post. This was written beautifully. I have known since the first time I visited your blog that you are a very compassionate and loving person I'm so glad I found your blog.
Thanks for sharing your heart.

chili pepper said...

How beautiful is that? I love, love, love to read and hear stories about how people met the Lord. Thanks for sharing.

Kat