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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

building trust for the flying lesson

one of the most difficult things that i have found in raising five children is making sure that i keep depth in the relationships with all of them individually. i know that i can take care of them and meet all of their needs on a daily basis as far as feeding them and getting them where they need to go. but, taking the time to maintain a deep and intimate relationship with each and every one of them can be difficult with many children. it seemed to be easier when they were younger too, because their whole life was at home. they did not have life outside of me and their dad and church. as they have all gotten older, they have friends and other things to do that take up a large portion of their time as well. i understand that is perfectly natural. i remember that time coming in my life when i was younger too. but, in that, i find my struggle. i need to be more strategic in planning my time with them.

as kids become teens, they begin to develop their own sense of self. they begin to try to spread their wings and fly. they aren't quite ready for that yet, because they are still kids and not adults, yet! so, they fail when they try. it is kind of like a baby bird setting out to try out his wings before they are ready. they fall quickly to the ground and the momma bird swoops down and picks them back up into the nest. then they try again. it is my job to help them be ready when the time approaches for them to fly. i am to let them have practice flights so that they are well practiced and prepared when the time to fly comes. but, along the way, the little birdies sometimes think they are ready to fly already and begin to resent the momma bird for not letting them fly off solo. this is when it is necessary that the momma steps up and continues to remind the babies that she loves them more than life itself. talking and reminding them of that rather than just saying "not yet" all the time continues the relationship and builds trust between them.

i have a few little birdies trying their wings at our home right now. so, recently, i have been asking the Lord to help me to be led by Him in developing ways that i can have more meaningful times with each of them individually. i feel like the Lord has directed me to take each of my children individually, at least once each month, out to spend time loving on them and doing things that they like to do. listening to them and sharing our hearts will continue to build our hearts together. that is a pleasure that i long to have with them forever. i believe that will also make it easier for them to recognize wisdom in knowing the proper time to practice flying and the proper time to continue resting up at home. in the last few weeks, i have taken each one of my kids out shopping for school clothes individually. then, we went out to lunch together. no one else. just one at a time and me! it was wonderful! i was able to bless them with clothes and shoes that they wanted and we were able to talk and enjoy each other's company. i think this kind of time with them is so important because i could tell that they felt loved and listened to. and, i believe it will help to establish more trust in me for the next flying lesson.

27 comments:

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

While, I'm not in that stage yet, I'm already convinced that healthy relationships with our kids are the key preventing rebellion. I think what you are doing is so wonderful and I'm sure your kids will remember it later and thank you.

Mich said...

So true my friend...

learning to pick my battles is another issue in building a great relationship. That is something I find myself doing constantly.

From one mom to another, great post, my friend!!!

Bridget said...

What a sweet post, true whether you have one or many children. Thank you for the reminder!! :D

Jenilee said...

I love the "flying lesson" picture. What a wonderful post and a great goal for all moms - to have a meaningful relationship with our kids.

God BLess!

Tracy Wagman said...

You are wise Christy. You're writings are an inspiration to me.

rcubes said...

Knowing that they have a mom who has the time and always willing to listen and talk with them will help them appreciate how much they are loved and cared for.

I think we oughta' pray for them as they try to open their wings and let the Air lift them up, so they won't crash!

You're a good mom! Blessings and love to you.

Beth E. said...

You're doing a wonderful job, Christy Rose! It is difficult to maintain a good relationship with our children in their teen years, especially when they get their driver's license! There is so much freedom associated with that.

I think taking your children shopping individually was a great idea!

We helped our other son move back to college today. We have an empty nest now. Praying for our boys to soar, following God's will for their lives.

Blessings,
Beth

Loren said...

Christy,

You are a wonderful mom and it shows just in how you desire to make sure your kids know you care, you show them that you care by listening, one on one time is so very important too! You are doing a great job and the Lord will continue to share ways to deepen the bond, teaching them how and when to fly in love, safety and security with wisdom!

love and blessings to you

Shanda said...

I ended up doing the same thing (taking each one out individually) although I must admit it wasn't intentional on my part...it was logistically better and kept my sanity! But I walked away praising God for the opportunity to do it. You are right - it was a great time to just listen to them and love on them. I plan to follow your lead and do it intentionally from now on!

Thank you for your sweet words earlier! You are a blessing to me!

Andrea said...

You got it. The one on one time is crucial....just chatting and listening to them. Blessings, andrea

momstheword said...

What a lovely idea! I'll bet you had a wonderful time.

I have one in college and one in high school and I am finally getting used to it, I think.

At least, to some extent, lol!

He & Me + 3 said...

I have really been feeling that way too. I think that when you have more than one child you really need to spend one on one time with each so you can really know them. I loved this post. I had some great one on one time with my oldest last weekend. Last summer I took trips with my girls individually, and it was awesome.

The Real Me! said...

I think one on one time is an excellent idea. Especially as they get older!!
Big hugs to you my friend.
Kim

Sassy Granny ... said...

Smart mom! It's an investment that will pay huge dividends as each establishes their own life beyond home. It lets them know they are valued and worthwhile. It builds bonds and fortifies intimacy. And so much more!

Besides, there will come a day for you when these days will be but sweet memories. So, so sweet.

Be blessed,
Kathleen

Jennifer W. said...

What a great post! And so true. We also have to teach them about fighting the currents of this world and how hard that can be sometimes!! It is hard with 5 to give everyone individual attention, but we try!
Jen

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Christy:
I sometimes forget to parent my young children in the same way I parented my older children. With 4 kids, and two college sons with very different and sometimes demanding needs, the younger two get overlooked. I need to do better about spending quality time with them on an individual basis. Thanks for the reminder!

Now that the other two have truly flown the nest, I have more time to devote to the little ones.

peace~elaine

Jacki said...

Christy,
What a wonderful post! I remember those days well. My children are grown with kids of their own now...but they will always be "my babies". NOW I get the joy of taking my grandchildren school shopping. I even have one that is playing his first year of football!
The love never ends...it just grows in new directions.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a sweet comment. I look forward to getting to know you.

God Bless,
Jacki

E @ Scottsville said...

Sometimes its so hard for me to PICK my battles, but I'm learnin! =0)

My 17 year old is sure at that stage of 'testing' me...... PRAY FOR THIS MOM!!! =0)

Kristin said...

I enjoyed this post, Christy. It won't be long before my oldest is a teen (she's about to turn 9). I have a feeling you'll be hearing from me a lot more when that time comes. Ha!! I like taking my girls out individually too.

Mocha Momma said...

I can't believe how many of us have experienced the home perms. I would never try that on my kids hair or mine.

How funny our moms were. They were all about making the most of their time and money. Good moms, but risk takers, LOL!

Mocha Momma said...

What good advice. I don't consciously take each one to do something. I only have two.

It would be good to make it more special for them. I will need to work on building that trust between me and them. I do want them to know I love them and they can come to me with anything.

Thanks

Beth in NC said...

What great advice Christy Rose. I pray I will always stay connected with my daughter and with any future children as well.

Warren Baldwin said...

You are doing everything the Lord wants of a parent! In fact, the more you try to be a good parent, the more that sense of wanting to do even more will be present. That is evidence of a good heart.

My present post on Family Fountain is about spending time with the kids. It is particularly written for dad.

Good post to reorient all of us to our first calling: our families.

Sneaky Momma said...

I think it's awesome that you were able to spend one-on-one time with each child. I can imagine how hard it must be to do this with five kiddos. :)

momstheword said...

Well good, because I've heard that laughter exercises the liver, lol!

Anonymous said...

i just read your blog and loved your idea of taking them out once a month. I had a friend who had two sisters and her parents every saturday would rotate the girls to take one out to breakfast each week pretty much all through their high school yea...rs. i thought that this idea had much wisdom in it. Making time to sit with them one on one and building trust... love it. hope i stick to my own "plan" one day. ;) it comes bfore you know it, and i procrastinate a lot of ideas.
Jonette

chili pepper said...

Christy Rose,

Please stop by my blog today and pick up an award I want to share with you.

Happy Sunday!

Kat