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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i will not be blindsided anymore!

if you were to ask people who knew me what i was like, you would probably hear words like "laid back, easy going, happy, easy to get along with." and, i believe that all of those things are pretty much true. but there is a part of me that only those close to me, like my husband or my mom would know much about. i know it is there. i let it arise once in awhile. but, it was not just until this last week that i realized something. i realized that i have been keeping a cap on this part of me out of fear, fear of others looking and thinking of me as a strong, bossy, controlling woman. i never want to have a negative reputation for being that way and so i only allowed a little bit of that strength in me to come out once in awhile, just enough to share what I thought might be important, then i would quiet myself down and sit back to just let whatever will be to be. there really is not a problem with living life like that really. i get to say my little say once in awhile and maybe shed some light on a situation. but, as far as making a difference and using what God has placed in my heart to change my world, that part of me has been kept hidden away most of the time because of a fear that i truly did not know had so much control over me.

i just recently watched the movie blindside. in this movie, sandra bullock played the part of a very strong woman who saw the value in a young man who never had anyone in his life ever be willing to sacrifice any aspect of their own selves long enough to bring out the potential and value within him until she came into his life. she was willing to sacrifice. she was willing to step out of her comfort zone. she was willing to allow others to perceive her in an unbecoming way in order to bring about the means necessary to allow the value of this young man to shine for all the world to see. she did not care what others thought of her. she did not let her fear stop her from doing what she was compelled to do. she did not put her own value before the value of another. when the movie was over, i sat and thought, "that same strength that lives in her is in me but i am not sure that i would have allowed it to arise to the level that she did. would i have been willing to stand up and act on the unseen value of another person enough to bring change into their life?" i saw myself in this woman and yet it was as if i only saw her inside of me and not outwardly manifested in my life. that's when i realized that fear of what others might think of me keeps it locked inside.

i have been studying ephesians in the last couple of years in a lot of depth. God has been showing me so much about what Jesus accomplished for us in bringing us into union with God by our faith in His finished work on the cross. "even when we were dead by our own shortcomings, He made us alive (together) in fellowship and in union with Christ....and He raised us up (together) with Him and made us sit down (together), giving us joint seating with Him.." (ephesians 2:5,6) God made us to be the righteousness of Christ. He made us like Him so that we could be One with Him and One with one another, equally righteous before Him. that is hard to grasp sometimes. but, just as God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are three persons yet One God, equal to One another in nature; so we are all individual persons yet one body, equal to one another in nature. galations 3:28 says, "there is now no distinction, neither jew nor greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." i have allowed the fact that i was a woman to keep me in fear of letting the strength that lives in me to arise for fear that others will think that i am stepping over my boundaries out into a place that most men despise. but, should that keep me from living there? i would have to say that it shouldn't, but it has! for that, i repent! i still do not want to be thought of as a strong, bossy, controlling woman because that is not who i am or long to be but within me is a wealth of strength and truth and i want to allow Him to arise and shine outwardly into the lives of everyone that the Lord brings into my pathway. i have been enlightened by the Holy Spirit and i will not be blindsided with lies anymore.

24 comments:

Mom of Many said...

Good for you Christy! Reading the last couple of sentences brought to mind "This Little of Mine". Excellent post, as usual!

Mom of Many said...

P.S. Thank you for all the prayers for us. Know that I'm praying for you and your family as well.

Sr. Ann Marie said...

Excellent post--with a lesson for most of us, I think. It's probably an ongoing challenge to be able to draw that fine line between speaking truth when it needs to be spoken and not being hostile and aggressive. I know that I struggle with finding the courage to speak up when speaking up is called for.Sometimes I succeed; sometimes I don't.

Karen said...

Very thought provoking post, Christy...I have kept silent on occasions before because of the very things you shared here...with the Lord's help...I won't be blindsided either....

Tara said...

Very good movie and you know, I thought the same thing you did. Would I have stepped up like she did which ultimately resulted in a changed life? I don't know but sure hope I would. In my family where I am comfortable, I am the outspoken, say what I need to say person. In other places, I'm not. Definitely something to work on.

Lisa said...

Excellent post, Christy! I know where you're coming from as I'm kind of the same way. Enlightening post -- thank you!

amanda said...

i love how you write! so true. and honest!! and i pray that we all can realize the lies from the enemy and not be blindsided anymore!! praise GOD!!

Nel said...

Wonderful post! You have given us all something to think about and digest. Praying for you my friend!

until next time... nel

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

I haven't yet seen the movie, so I don't know the context here, but I think I do know what you mean about holding back. I tend to be either at one extreme or bottled up and angry at the other, neither of which are good.

The Real Me! said...

I think that we as wives and mothers need to be strong. We impact a lot of lives just being who we are. We just can't over step our husbands authority. But other than that. Let loose my friend. Let loose!
I still haven't seen that movie but it's on the list.
Hugs
Kim

MTJ said...

Hi Christy Rose,

I was raised by a grandmother (my mother worked) and I can attest that it took strength, determination and courage on their part.

When you say, "i have allowed the fact that i was a woman to keep me in fear of letting the strength that lives in me to arise..." perhaps it was the realization of spiritual growth and its uncertainties.

Like most others, we Christians can be immersed in labels and concepts; how a woman talks, how a woman thinks and what a woman does.

I'm happy for you Christy, you're piercing through previously walled up barriers in your life and discovering a new dimension which God knew all along was resident in you.

My Thought-filled Journey

LisaShaw said...

Amen!

...being enlightened by the Holy Spirit is always LIFE changing!

The LORD is at work in and through you dear one. I'm excited for you and the next phase of your journey in Him. Be all that He has purposed you to be by trusting and obeying Him and availing yourself to Him to be used fully for His glory.

You're a blessing!

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I have to control that bossy woman everyday!!!!

Great post!

Adeye said...

EXCELLENT post, dear friend. I LOVED your perspective. Beautiful reading.

Love you precious heart for the Lord.

Love and hugs from the Ukraine.

Veronica said...

You go, Christy! I know it's hard to step out for fear of what others think. I struggle with that too! I tend to be a little bossy by nature and don't always use it for the good. I'm still working on that, for sure!

I will pray that the Lord gives you the confidence you need to continue stepping out for Him. You're already reaching a ton of people via your blog, which is so awesome. Please continue sharing what's on your heart! :)

Deborah Ann said...

Oh, God is taking you places, that much I know. I'll have to check out that movie.

I think I need to do the opposite as you. I need to shut my mouth. I wasn't able to discern the difference between helping and judging, so I do not deserve to even try.

Every good gift is available to all of us! That is good news. All we have to do is ask. Father is giving me wisdom and discernment, and a good measure of grace to know what to say and what not to say. And it sounds like you're getting a generous download as well. I'm excited to see where God will lead you in this new endeavor!

Mich said...

Great post. A challenge.

Have a beautiful day!

CRAZYMOM said...

I haven't seen the movie yet, but I plan to. So many women are afraid to seem "not nice". It has helped me a lot to reflect a great deal on Proverbs 31. She was no shrinking violet!

He & Me + 3 said...

I just saw that movie and wow...she was a strong woman. I loved that she saw what she wanted and went after it. She used her strength for good. I too saw a lot of myself in her...but I need to channel my energy to do more good with my bossy strength :) The Lord is definitely working on me in that area.
Great post my friend.
May you be a blessing to all those that cross your path. You have already blessed the blogging world.

Libbie said...

I can't wait to hear about the new adventures you will take in life with such a strong personality. I can hear the strength in your voice already! You are inspiring too ya know :)

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Wow... so very interesting. I think you're wise to keep this in check, but I also think you very wise to explore this as well. God intends for you to use your giftings and abilities and strengths to serve and advance his kingdom. If you're a confident person, use it for his glory. It seems to me that God is doing a big work in your heart right now... I can't wait to see what unfolds for you. Please feel free to e-mail me or call anytime you want to chat. I'd love to come alongside you and support you in this journey.

Blessed rest for you this weekend. As for me, it's all about birthdays around here... mine and my soon-to-be 21 year old son!

peace~elaine

Cole said...

lovely post. and I learned so much from that movie too.

nicole
http://lettersfromcoco.blogspot.com/

Laura Brown said...

You go, Christy!

Julie said...

I could have written this post.... I too have shied away from the strength in me. After all I didn't want to appear to be a dominant, controlling woman. I didn't want to appear to be "too much".... I've kept silent when I needed to speak up for fear of how I would be perceived. Shame kept me from offering myself in it's totality. Shame caused me to hide part of who I was.
But God is setting me free. I see He is with you as well!

Great post, Christy!