today, i thought that i would share some of what i feel like God is revealing to me concerning my life, how i came to this place in my growing understanding of His love and grace and how what i am learning along the way is affecting all that i do and all that i experience now. i am really in awe of recognizing God's presence in my life from as far back as i can remember. some of the first memories that i have as a little girl are living in a small trailer court with my sister and parents. as i think back it seems i was about three or four. i felt so secure and loved by my parents. i felt like i was the center of their world, so in my understanding at the time, the center of "the whole world." i don't remember a lot of details at this age, but i remember how i felt as a whole. it seemed to me then that whatever i needed or desired was provided for me from my mom and dad. we moved to a new home when i was four and i remember thinking at that time that we moved for me, just me. thinking, i guess, that since i was the center of the world that there could not be any other reason. as a small child, we only understand the world as we have experienced it and to that point in my life i had only experienced life with me as the important one. i can now see how God was setting me up, founding me on a sense of self value and a security that He was going to continue to build upon for the rest of my life.
now as i look at my own children and remember what they were like at that age, i pray that i have set them in the course of their world with the same sense of value and security that i enjoyed then. each of my children are so different, with stengths and weaknesses uniquely their very own. but, i wonder if deep in the very heart of their soul abides a security on value and love that i established in them under the power and influence of the Spirit of God within me. it is not always evident in outward appearances that they are so secure and believe that they have such value because of decisions that i see them make in their lives. the world is so seductive and appealing and tells a story so opposite of Truth that every place in their thoughts and feelings has to find value in Love, true Love, in order for them the escape the corruption that is the result of looking for their value in anything that the world has to offer. i know that they are still growing in their understanding of Truth, and definitely so am i. God is leading me to trust Him and know that their heart belongs to Him. only He can establish their heart in His love. i am just an instument of His grace that He will use to flow from. as i turn back time in my mind and remember my babies and how completely dependent on me they were to love and provide for them and establish a sense of security in them, i seem to be reminded by God that i am the child and He is my Father and today and everyday, it is me who is completely dependent on Him to love and provide for me His finished work of grace in my children's lives continuing to establish my sense of security in Him and Him alone.
3 days ago